(updated
One-liners...
(from a forgotten Internet source)
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What is the "speed of dark"?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATMs?
How come you never hear about "gruntled" employees?
When Nicklaus is playing above par, is he really playing below par?
(from a forgotten Internet source)
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges...
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Nothing is foolproof - to a talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way - you're in the wrong lane, going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private; failure in full view.
The hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable - except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
© Products of Concord North Ltd. Home