(updated
Jokes and riddles and other items of interest...
(from unknown Internet sources)
It's late afternoon in the local tavern. A man walks in and takes a seat at the bar. The place is not busy, just the bartender polishing glasses and a few people talking together at one of the tables. The man nurses a drink and reflects on his day.
After a short while the man hears a faint, tiny voice say something that sounded like "I like your tie." He looks to the bartender who has her attention on polishing glasses, so he dismisses it as being just his imagination. The man returns to his thoughts, but a few minutes later he hears a similar voice say something like "You're looking fit. Have you been working out?". This time he looks all around the bar, but no one is apparently talking to him. He's a little concerned, but he settles down.
After a few more minutes, he hears this little voice again. "Great hair. Nice cut." Unnerved now, this time he has to ask - does the bartender hear this litle voice, too? "It's them...", she says, nodding to the peanuts in a dish by his elbow. "They're complimentary."
You are walking along a road towards your destination. You come to a fork in the road. There are no sign-posts, but there is a house in the middle of the fork where two brothers live. You have heard of these brothers.
Both brothers will know which fork in the road you should take, but one brother always lies, and the other brother always tells the truth. The only brother home answers your knock on their door.
What question could you ask this brother that, when answered, would tell you which fork in the road to take?
(highlight white-on-white text below for the answer - convenient way to hide secretive text)
"If I asked your brother, which road would he tell me to take to get to my destination?"
Whichever road is indicated is the wrong one.
At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
"If GM had developed technology like the computer industry, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason you would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the car windows, shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
9. The airbag system would ask "Are You SURE?" before deploying.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off."
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